when ur mom comes home early and u gotta change back from ur shark form QUICK

grawly:

image

(via christinelaura)

(Source: s-thr, via christinelaura)

gabesaportaspenis:

i think i lost an electron i’d better keep an ion that

(Source: laceyjesse, via christinelaura)

(Source: raphmike, via christinelaura)

"

HANDY MEASUREMENTS OF TIME WHEN YOU DO NOT HAVE A WATCH

- It takes exactly five seconds to read this sentence aloud.
- Find a cesium-133 atom. It will take exactly one half hour for it to oscillate between the two hyperfine levels of its ground state 16,546,737,186,000 times. Most car dashboards now come equipped with a cesium-133 atom for just this purpose.
- A certified speed-reader will be able to read this entire book in exactly an hour. Certified speed-readers may be contracted in the county clerk’s office.
- Using only the stones and twigs around you, it will take you exactly 120 minutes to construct a working sundial.
- When you realize you should have simply apologized, it will be exactly 11:50 P.M. Needless to say: too late.
- When driving at night, the ghostly hitchhiker will reappear on the side of the road exactly once per hour, for exactly four hours, before giving up.
- A fortnight martini, when properly made, will not reach room temperature for fourteen days.
- If you do not meet them a second time, you will forget the name and face of everyone you meet within five years.
- The agave or ‘century’ plant will live for 100 years. Caution: at year 100, it will come alive and devour the person closest to it.

"

— John Hodgman, The Areas of My Expertise (via mikemoschetto)

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(Source: frozen-note, via catejay)